


A glimmer of hope

by amyo2000



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Aftermath, M/M, Romance, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-16
Packaged: 2018-03-01 09:18:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2767856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amyo2000/pseuds/amyo2000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All John Shepard needed was a certain Major, and with the help of a great friend he could have his Major back into his arms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Edi knew she was curious, and to be working with humans had taught her too many things such as analyzing human behavior. She knew Jeff was interested in her, by the way that he looked at her, and with her commander help the two of them had begun a relationship. Now she wanted to help Shepard. She had noticed the tension between Major Alenko and Shepard since Kaidan got back to the ship a few days ago.

She knew the Major, and Shepard had a loving relationship before the Commander die. Edi witnessed his pain after the Major rejection to him on Horizon. Her commander was an important part of her. Shepard had integrated her to his crew and treated her like a human being, not as a synthetic. When she needed some information, the Commander always had time to answer her questions.

That's why she felt she had to intervene. They were both stubborn, and neither of them wanted to budge, and admit that they can't be without each other. At first she didn't understand why Shepard allowed the Major, to return if things between them were so tense. After observing Shepard, she had noticed that he preferred to have the Major near because somehow it relieved his pain.

Edi had been watching the Major too, since Kaidan got back to the ship, he had not done anything but try to help Shepard, so that he had less work. She had observed him at night too, and like Shepard, the Major almost didn't sleep at night. The two had a photo of each other, and Edi always saw them stare at their pictures with longing. They were both suffering for each other like fools, and she couldn't continue sitting idly doing nothing, she had to help them clarify things. She had to help Shepard as he helps her with Jeff.

"Jeff can I asks you something?"

"Yes Edi."

"You have noticed the tension between the Mayor and Shepard?" She asked, and then she listens to Jeff laugh. "Jeff what is so funny?"

"Sorry Edi, but your question seemed funny to me, because only a person with no sense wouldn't feel the tension between them. I can't stand to be next to those two because I feel uncomfortable, besides hot; they need to solve the urgency their body has for each other fast."

"Jeff, the commander has been a great friend; I feel that I have to do something to bring them together." Edi turned on the monitor in the cabin, and indeed there was Shepard smoking a cigarette, with a glass of whiskey in his hand, and Kaidan's photo on the other. His gaze reflected an immense sorrow that if she had had an organic heart it would had broken with that sad scene.

"Woo ... that's sad," Joker said.

Then Edi, shift to the monitor in the Observation room where a similar scene was going on, but on the Major's cheeks Edi could see tears of sorrow. "I can't continue sitting here as they sink into their pain Jeff. I think it’s not fair that two people who love each other suffer that way."

"How you going to help? Both are stubborn. I think Kaidan accept to return to the ship to help Shepard in the war, but he still has doubts that Shepard is the same man he used to be before his dead."

"I have a way to do it. It will be a little raw for humans, but is the only way the Mayor is going to understand that Shepard has some upgrades, but he is the same man he was before his death." She was referring to the data that it had been preserved of Shepard reconstruction in the med bay.

"Do it, it is time for them to be happy, so, that the commander has a reason to keep fighting, and return alive when the war is over."

Edi lit her onmi-tool, but at that moment the door of the CIC opened and James walk through it, followed by Garrus. The two stood behind Jeff's seat in silence for a moment.

“Why I feel that you two want to tell me something," Joker said.

"We have to do something," James said.

"But quickly," Garrus said.

"Jeff I think they refer to the tension between the Mayor and the Commander."

“Just a little while ago when we were in Tuchanka disabling the canons, I could hear as the two them argued among themselves about anything. The Major was trying to protect the Commander and disobey him, when Shepard orders him to take cover. I know Kaidan did to take care of Shepard's back. You can tell the Mayor worry about him too much," James said.

"Yes a while back Shepard yelled at Kaidan in the mess room for that matter. Kaidan turns around in left the mess but not before I could see the hurt in his eyes. When I look at Shepard, I saw the same look this is ridiculous,” Garrus said.

Edi was going to say something, but Liara entered the CIC.

 "Well, I wasn't aware that there was a meeting in the CIC," Liara said

"Liara you're here, for Shepard and Kaidan?" Jeff asked.

“Yes, just now I went to see Shepard in his cabin, and he was depressed, I can’t stand to see my friend like that."

"Human can you tell me why the Commander and the human’s soldier don't totally solve their bodily needs among themselves? I can't stand the smell of pheromones between them," Javik said, entering the CIC.

"Oh my God, Edi, do something now, so everyone get out of my CIC."

"Immediately, I'm going to put up my plan A, and if it fails, then I will go to plan B that is lock them in the cabin."

* * *

Kaidan wiped the tears on his cheek; he had thought that the time of crying for his commander was behind him, but he was wrong. Kaidan couldn't believe that John have yells at him like that in front of Garrus. He couldn't understand why John allowed him to return to treat him that way, maybe it was a form of revenge for what he did to him on Horizon. Maybe it was wrong to go back to the ship.

The thing was he wanted to be close to John to help in the war, although he still had doubts that this man could be the same man Shepard he knew before. For Kaidan was very difficult to understand that someone could be raised from the dead as Cerberus did with John. Yes, this new Shepard had his memories, but it wasn't the same body that he had in his arms on many nights of passion more than two years ago.

Perhaps what he needs to do was call Hackett, and accept the position he offered him on his ship, but he wanted to be here fighting. Kaidan rather be near that man who one way or another he still in love with it. Yes, Kaidan couldn't deny that he still madly in love with John, and in a twisted way he was also in love with this new John Shepard.

Kaidan couldn't deny to himself that he was dying to touch John, and have him in his arms as he had done before. Kaidan was aware that he was the only person who actually knew thoroughly Commander Shepard, in every sense of the word; therefore, he knew that John was suffering in the same way that he was doing it, but this time he had to think things through, he can't go through all that pain again.

But he was afraid to come back with John, and lose him again. Kaidan knew that this war was worse than the last one and that John was a hero who was willing to die to save the galaxy. Kaidan didn't want the hero, he wanted the man behind the armor, and he wanted him forever. His thought was interrupted when his onmi-tool started flashing and he opened it. He frowned when he saw the some kind of file was unloading to it.

After the file was fully loaded he opened it with fear, and what he saw immediately turned his stomach. He started to see, bones, flesh, and some kind machines working on it. "Project Lazarus," was the name of the file. The data was divided on dates, and finally he realized he was watching John reconstruction. He rubbed his forehead nervously there was only someone who could have sent it. "Edi."

Before he was able to say something the image change and he began to see his commander in his cabin, while he was on his mission against the collectors. John was sitting on the sofa looking sadly at a picture. Kaidan focuses closely on the image, and he could clearly see that the person who was in the photo was him. Another video appeared, and this time he saw John enter his cabin, and walk over to his desk he looks mad and then he throw everything it was on top to the floor.

Then John grabbed his photo, and threw to the ground shattering the glass picture frames, then he grab it, and sit on the bed crying as he watched it. "Horizon. Dammit John, I'm sorry" Kaidan couldn't avoid the tears again, and it was much worse when the video change to a one more recent. It was a live video of John, where he was smoking and drinking, looking at the same photo.

"Edi"

"Yes Mayor."

"Why you are doing this to me?" Kaidan asked shakily.

"Because you are behaving like an idiot Major."

"Excuse me!"

"With all your respect, Major, the Commander has been splendid to me. He helped me with my relationship with Jeff, and it's time for me to return the favor. Shepard is suffering for you, you still have doubt who is Shepard, and in that date was the answer you were looking for.”

"Edi is not that easy, things between Shepard and I are very broken."

"I don't think so. The commander gave me the courage to fight for Jeff, in spite of knowing who I am, and I want to do the same with you. You have suffered too much by Shepard's death; don't you think it's time to stop suffering? Shepard doesn't have the same body, but he is the same man you love, and I know he still love you too."

"Edi... I need to think."

"Very well Major, but remember that while you are thinking, the Commander is suffering immensely for you. Edi out."

Kaidan continued looking at John, his Commander looked sad, tired, and torn as he was since the day he lost him. As he had told Edi, things weren't so easy. What happened on Mars, and in the Citadel, had created a distance between them, and although John was kind to him in the hospital, the two had many wounds to close.

Kaidan glance toward the door, he wanted to run out of the room to go see him, but he was too stubborn to go with his feelings. Once he let his feelings speak for him, and he ended up breaking all the rules to later staying empty hands, and with a huge pain.

He leaned back on the sofa, to think. His head was spinning out of control, and he closed his eyes for a moment, when he hear Traynor voice over the Comm. "yes Traynor."

"The commander wants to see you in his cabin."

"Now?"

"Sorry Major, but he only told me to tell you that."

"I'm coming," Kaidan got up from the sofa, and headed for the door, as he was thinking that he had no idea what John, wanted with him.

* * *

John looked at his cigarette for a moment before shaking the ashes in the ashtray; he remembered that Kaidan had never liked him to smoke when they were together. Now there was a great distance between them that he didn't know how to close. Every time he tried to approach him to talk, the two ended up arguing. A while back he didn't mean to yell at him as he did, but for him Kaidan life was too valuable, and he was very careless in his last mission.

He hadn't been able to forget the scare that he went through on Mars, when he saw him lying on the floor, so he was afraid the something might happen to him again. If between the two things were broken forever, at least he wanted Kaidan to be okay, and that after the war is over he could be happy with who he chooses. John saw no future without Kaidan; he lived moments with him that he didn't believe he could live with someone else.

John was a man who didn't trust people so easily; however, he gave himself entirely to Kaidan. Now he felt empty, sad, and with an immense desire to be nestled in his arms as they used to do before his death. They were together for a few days after he defeated Saren, and John learned what it was to love and be loved. He missed those days a lot, and now with the weight of the war he needed Kaidan, much more.

John looked up at the door when he heard the elevator, and he wondered who would be coming down to see him, a moment later he saw the cause of his sleepless nights entering the room. "Major!" John couldn't avoid but smile at the sight of him.

"Commander, I hope you have enough reason to make me come here to see you so late. I think I did all my duties already."

"Me, I-" John was interrupted by the sound of the door closing. "What the hell is going on? Edi!"

"Commander, major, I'm sorry to take these steps, but for the sake of you two and the crew, this door will remain closed until you two solved yourself out. The Major with his stubbornness didn't leave me any other choice. Garrus, can't see you two fighting anymore. James feels very uncomfortable during missions. Liara, don't want to see Shepard suffering anymore. Javik can't stand the smell of yours pheromones. I personally think that neither of you can lives without the other. "

"Edi open the door!" Kaidan said.

"Sorry Kaidan, but I agree with Edi, this is the only way to make you understand where is your place. Joker out."

"Joker!" kaidan yells.

John was left with his mouth open and too surprised to speak, but he can't deny the he was love it. He looks at Kaidan who was trying to open the door. "I know you're an excellent engineer, but I don't think you can open that door."

"You're enjoying this, do you?"

"Me, wait a minute I had nothing to do with this conspiracy. I was here... well, filling reports."

"And smoking, because this bedroom reeks of cigarette."

"Sorry." John saw him hit the door, and he walked over to him and grabbed his arm. "Forget it. You want a drink?" John saw him take a step back.

"I guess. Why you are being so kindly to me know if, a while back in the mess room you were an asshole with me."

John walks to his bottle of whisky "It wasn't my intention to speak to you as I did. You disobeyed an order," John said as he was preparing the drinks.

"I was watching you back as I told you I was going to do."

"Hum I thought you hated me."

"I don't hated you."

John handed him a glass, and then he sat on the sofa facing his drink. "It is no secret how important you are to me. I need you to take care of yourself," John said, sadly. He looked up, and ran into Kaidan, who was looking at his photo. "Ah, well, that picture is the only thing I have left of you. I hope you don’t mind I have it."

"I don’t mind, and I'm here."

John felt some hope hear him say that. John saw Kaidan approached him, then sit beside him. "I miss you Kaidan, but I know you still don't fully trust me."

"If you think that, why you allowed me to came back to the ship?"

John stared at him for a moment, and then he raised his hand and touched his cheek. "I let you come back because I need you by my side, you are great soldier, and now I need the best. I just wish," John cleared his throat, “I wish I could turn back the time, and never have left you."

Kaidan put his hand on top of John's. "But you did it. You left me empty, broken, and I think I'm still broken. You were everything to me. I give myself entirely to you, and when I lost you, it was like losing part of me. It was very hard to go to your funeral and keep it together. It was very hard for me to face life without you, and when I was finally breathing easily I saw you, and I realized I was still in love with you."

"Oh God, Kaidan I’m sorry, but let me fix you then. Let me make up to you."

"John..."

John moved closer to him. "I love you. I’m broken without you too. It wasn't easy for me after Horizon, I thought I had lost you forever." He saw Kaidan's eyes fill up with tears. “Kaidan, this body is new I recognize that, but as I told you on Mars, my feelings for you haven't changed."

"My feelings for you haven't changed either Commander. I loved John Shepard, and I love this new you."

John couldn't take anymore, and he moved his lips to Kaidan’s, but he put a finger to his mouth. "Really?" John let out a sigh and then gets up from the couch. He put the glass down and headed for the bathroom to wash his teeth. "I can't believe you are making me do this."

"You know me, the taste of cigarette made me sick."

John quickly washes his teeth and got back to the room. Kaidan was standing in front of the aquarium looking at the fish. He did what he had been desired for so long,hug Kaidan. He put his arms around his waist and breathes on his neck before turning him over and kiss him immediately. John kissed him with despair, and his Mayor corresponded to his kiss with the same intensity.

"Finally!"

John broke the kiss laughing at the voice of Edi. "I love you Edi. You have no idea how happy you've made me."

"The feeling is mutual Commander. Now I will open the door even though I know that the Mayor isn't going to leave that room."

John then stared at Kaidan. "Will you stay?"

"Forever."

"Mission accomplished, Edi out."

John kissed him again, and this time he caught him against the aquarium, kissing him with more intensity. "I love you."

"I love you too. We you stay with me John?"

“I’ll stay forever this time.”

"Make love to me, as you used to do before."

John broke the kiss, but not the embrace. "You don’t know how much I wanted you Major. That desire was driving me crazy. To have you so close and not being able to touch you, it was hell for me."

"I also felt the same way, but apparently we needed a little push."

"Yes we did. Tomorrow we can go down to the Citadel to buy her a gift." John said as he slowly kissed his lips.

"I like that. I want you to know that after you it hadn't been anyone else John. My body, my heart, and  soul are yours."

“That's good to know, because I haven’t been with anyone else ether."

"Commander, can I give you an order?"

"Sure you can Mayor."

"Win this war, but returned to me."

"It is a deal."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoy this as I enjoy writing it.

Joker entered the mess room expecting to find Shepard as he always was drinking coffee in the table with a data-pad in his hand, but he didn't see him. Slowly he headed toward the coffee maker to prepare coffee and then go to the CIC to drink it with Edi. Shepard was always awake in the early morning. The poor man hardly slept, but after last night he imagined that he wouldn't see his commander in the morning in the mess room for a while, and he was glad about that.

Few minute later, he was entering the CIC, and he found Edi, who was looking at the monitor. The scene he saw touched him deeply. His commander was sleeping peacefully snuggled next to Kaidan. Luckily the blanket was covering part of their bodies if not it wound have been uncomfortable for him to watch the images, but definitely Shepard looked calm, and happy in his sleep. Looking at Shepard that way with Kaidan, it was weird, because Shepard didn't look like that hard commander everyone was accustomed to seeing in action.

Everyone looked at Shepard as if, he was a soldier that his sole purpose in life was to help others, and this live footage proved otherwise. Joker wished that the whole galaxy could see him right now so that everyone could realize that Shepard is a common and ordinary man. Shepard has an immense heart, and he also had a weakness that it was Major Kaidan Alenko. Joker had seen what Edi saw, but he hadn't wanted to intervene between them because he still felt that he was to blame for their suffering.

He sat in the chair, and looked at Edi, who had a strange look. Edi was fantastic, and Joker had noticed that the feeling he had for her was growing with every day. Yes, Edi wasn't human, but for him she was more human than some people in this galaxy. Edi was always worrying about the welfare of the staff, and that spoke highly of her. He was happy to have her.

"Edi you're okay?" He asked to break the silence.

“Yes Jeff I’m okay. You know this is the first time in a long time the Commander slept the whole night without a nightmare."

"Yes, I thought I was going to find him in the mess room as usual, but it wasn't like that now I see why. He looks quiet, and all thanks to you Edi, you make this happen."

"During our time with Cerberus, the Commander did everything he could do to help his crew; however he has forgotten about himself. He is human, and I think that sometimes he forgets that he is. Shepard deserves to be happy."

"Yes he does Edi, but I feel that there is something more,” he said, seeing the confusion in her gaze.

"Yes, I was wondering if human life is so short, why the human like to wasted it on complications. The Mayor was suffering unnecessarily when he had the person he loved wanting to be with him."

Jeff thought about what she had said, and in a way he knew she was right. After Shepard had died his life was a mess for a while, because the guilt wasn't let him live until Kaidan told him that he was too hard with himself. Kaidan was a good man, he never blame him for Shepard's death, because he knew that the Commander would have given his life for anyone on his crew.

"Humans are very complicated Edi. Just look at me I still feel guilty about Shepard's death. If I had obeyed the order to abandon ship, they had never had to go through all that pain. I saw Kaidan crumble after Shepard's death," Joker said, sadly.

"Jeff it wasn't your fault, you didn't know that Shepard wouldn't have time to enter the Pod or the Collector would shoot again when the ship was nearly destroyed."

"I thought I had time to save the ship, but I was wrong, and Shepard pay the consequences."

"Yes if anything has taught me of being around humans is to realize that sometimes things happen for a reason. If Doctor Eva hadn't been on Mars, I wouldn't be here with you right now."

"Yes, you're right Edi, but my mistake brought harsh consequences. I can't forget Shepard's funeral. I remember that of everyone who was present that day Kaidan was who looked more devastated. Kaidan tries to hide what he was feeling, but I could see right through that mask that he had. "

After that comment, he looked sadly at the monitor, but he smiled when he saw Shepard's move in bed and cuddle even tightly to Kaidan's body. He would have given anything to turn backed the time and have come to the emergency pod immediately. Joker was fortunate that both Kaidan and Shepard forgave his disobedience. Maybe Kaidan was right and he was still too hard on himself.

"Jeff, every action has consequences, whether they are bad or good, but right through Shepard's death I think a healthy and confident man was born from it."

"You're right, Kaidan doesn't resemble the man he was before. He is a better soldier and human being now."

"I know, because you told me. Don't be so hard on yourself, now look at the two of them, they are finally happy."

"You're right Edi, and I am also happy with you."

"But I'll never be able to give a child Jeff. It is a lot of things you can do with me."

"Edi, remember what Shepard told you, reproduction is not all there is. You're perfect for me as you are, and you're more human than others human out there."

"Thanks Jeff."

"Now turn off the monitor, because if I remember correctly, when those two wake up... well, you know what will happen."

Joker said that smiling as he recalled the times that he listened to these two when they were having sex. By then the walls of the Normandy, were not as thick as now, and the cabin was near the mess room. Once he remembers see Kaidan came out from the cabin all disheveled, and minutes later Shepard also came out in the same way.

The two were always trying to cover things, but everyone knew what was between them, but no one said anything. The thing was that since the two began dating his commander always looked happy as he was now, and that was worth seeing Shepard peaceful now that he had so much weight on top.

"I don't want to wake them up Jeff."

"Don’t do it then, the Commander has no meetings today. He only has to buy supplies, and he can do it later. Hey, Edi do you want to go out with me for a while later?"

"Of course yes Jeff, you need help to get around?"

"I don't want you to go with me as my car to move around, but as my girlfriend."

"I like that Jeff."

* * *

Kaidan woke up this morning and for the first time, he wasn't up with the hassle to had to push his body to live another day without John. For the first time in a long time, Kaidan had a beautiful awakening to feel John's arms around his body and his calm breathing on his neck. He didn't even want to move to no wake him up he looked peaceful sleeping in his arms.

After seeing the video of John suffering from his contempt on Horizon and for the distance between them in the last few days the only thing he wanted to do was make him happy. Kaidan kissed the top of John's head and squeezed his body while he thought that he hated Cerberus, but now he thanked the organization for bringing back the man he loves.

All these years he used to wake up to the harsh reality that John was dead, and therefore he was also dead. His friends used to tell him that he had to forget and rebuild his life, but Kaidan wasn't a man who liked adventures. It would have been very difficult for him to start from scratch with another person again. Kaidan had had very few relationships, but none of them were as important as the relationship that he had with John. His commander was an extraordinary and loving man, but only he knew that.

Kaidan felt John's hand squeeze his waist, and his right feet start rubbing his. "You’re awake Commander?"

"I'm afraid to open my eyes and realize that I'm dreaming, and that I actually don't have to the most handsome man in the galaxy in my arms."

“John opens your eyes, I'm here.” Kaidan saw him open his eyes and look up, and immediately he kisses him lovingly to clear all his doubts.

"Hmm..." John muttered as he enjoyed the kiss.

"You see I am here."

"You' may be thinking that maybe I'm acting like a baby."

Kaidan chuckled. "If there is someone who knows you well is me, and I am aware how sensitive you are. Did you sleep well?" Kaidan asked, but John’s happy face was enough answer for him.

"Like a baby."

“We must get up Commander."

"I don't want to. Let's stay a little longer in bed. I've missed your body next to mine now I don't even want to move. I'm so happy here with you. I feel I don't need anything but your's arms around me."

Kaidan stared into his eyes for a while losing himself in the blue of his eyes. He touched his cheek and he began to caress it with his thumb, as he thought that John's blue eyes were new and he’s skin too, but they felt as before. John was watching him with the same look of love that he always used to give him. He couldn't help but remember all the nights of despair that he went through longing to see his smile, and feel his hands on his skin again.

He saw John grab his hand and bring it to his mouth and kissed it. "John-" His commander interrupted him with an intense kiss, which he responded with the same intensity. John then climbed on top of him and he could do anything but to let out a sigh. “It is really you?”

"It is me" John whispered between his lips.

"I missed you so much," Kaidan said, feeling his lips begin to tremble, he didn't want to cry, but he was feeling overwhelmed by a feeling of happiness.

"Kai ... I missed you too."

Kaidan broke the kiss, but he along his forehead with John's for a moment, and then he squeezed John’s body tightly. He then rests his head on his shoulder, while he was stroking his back slowly. "I'm sorry for despising you on Horizon, when what I should have done was to go with you."

"I have nothing to forgive you Kai. I don't deny that your reaction hurt me, but I understood and I wait for you."

"What do you mean you wait for me?" Kaidan wonder confused with his words, and then he moved his head to look at John, and saw him smile. He felt that his heart skipped a beat to see his charming smile.

"I think we're made for each other. For two years I was gone, and you didn't find anyone who replaces my place in your heart, and you were within your rights to do so. In my mission with the Collector, I met Miranda, and Jack, who misunderstood my good intentions, and thought I was interested in them."

"I see..."

"Wait; I clear my intentions to the two of them. Even Tali told me that she was interested in me, but I turn her down too.  What I'm getting at is that I could have been whit any of them, but I couldn't see myself with anyone else, other than you."

"I went out with someone a couple of times trying to forget you, but nothing happened between us. I just wanted you John, only you."

"Me too Kaidan I only wanted you in my life, because you understand me, and make me feel alive."

"Commander, why do you have those scars on your face?" Kaidan asked to change the subject; he was feeling a little jealous.

"Courtesy of Cerberus, the doctor told me that if I am calm, and continued with my positive attitude they would disappear. It's been hard for me to be calm, when the only person who gives me peace was not with me."

"Don't worry John, everything will change now that we are together again, I'll make sure you have the peace you need."

Then his commander smiled widely again, and the two joined their lips. His body began to awaken again. "John ... I want you."

"Me too, then we can’t waste any time."

An hour later Kaidan was coming out of the bathroom with a towel that John had given him after the two shared a shower together as they used to do before. "John, I have no clothes here."

"Major, excuse me, but I take the audacity to leave clean clothes at the door this morning for you," Edi said, by the Comm.

Kaidan looked at John, and they both smiled. "Edi, I'll kiss you when I see you," Kaidan said.

"Hey, you can give her a hug, but the kisses leave up to me," Joker said.

"I agree," John said.

"God okay. Hey Joker, and Edi I have an apartment in the Citadel; tonight I'm invite you both to dinner well Edi can share the moment with us since she can eat. What do you two say?"

"What the commander says?" Edi asks him.

"I'll be delighted to spend an evening with you two, Kaidan know how to cook a good steak."

"Jeff and I will be there, Major, Commander, thanks for the invitation."

"Good, I will send you the address," Kaidan said, after that he came out and grabbed his clothes.

A half hour later Kaidan along with John were coming out of the cabin, and they were entering the elevator. "John, it is almost eleven in the morning, I can't believe we've stayed in bed for so long."

"It is never too late for coffee don’t you thing?" John said as he pressed the button.

"That's not the point, is not correct that the commander-" Kaidan was interrupted when John grabbed his waist and pulled him into a kiss. He just put his arms around his lover and let himself go.

"No is correct that  right now I'm feeling immensely happy because I just spent the morning with the person I love most in the world apart from my mother," John said, finishing his sentence.

"Oh Commander ...you are crazy."

“Yes I’m crazy for you.”

His Commander brushed his nose with his, before kissing him deeply again, and for a while he did nothing but to get lost in his lips forgetting everything. Kaidan was a very cautious man, but right now he didn't care about anything more than to be with this man, who for so long he had been yearning for. The elevator arrived at the third floor, but he didn't realize until he hears someone coughing.

Kaidan quickly pulled away from John, and with shame he saw James smiling. "Oh God, I never going to hear the end of it!"

"Major, Commander, good morning. I guess the honeymoon is not over yet, what do you say about that Loco."

"Nope," John said grabbing Kaidan’s hand.

On another occasion, Kaidan would have complained about this sample of affection in public, but seeing the smile on John's face he just didn't had the heart to do it. He saw James smirking. “James can you tell me why are you smiling like that.” Kaidan asked as he was coming off the elevator with John.

"Oh, nothing. Hey Major on another occasion you and I have a lot to talk about."

"We don't-"

"Late Mayor."

Kaidan looked at John, when the elevator closed its door. "You're enjoying this."

"You have no idea."

* * *

Yes, John could deny that he was enjoying seeing his embarrassed Major. When they entered the mess room, Javik was on the table along with Garrus. "Good Morning,” John greeted them with a smile that he couldn't wipe from his face. He was happy and satisfied.

"Finally, I can breathe," Javik said.

"Well, what do we have here? Finally, I can see happy faces ..." Garrus said.

"Well, yes." John couldn't help but smile at that comment again.

"John can you stop smiling?" Kaidan muttered.

"Nope."

"Kaidan let him be happy. It's good to see my two friends finally happy. Well, Javik, and I are going down to the Citadel. I want to show him my secret place, and I need to show him my talent with my rifle too."

John shook his head. "Good luck Javik. C'mon Major I can use a good coffee now."

John couldn't deny that he felt happy; awakening in his Major's arms was what he had wanted to do for a long time. He was Commander Shepard, but deep down he was a man like any other, and Kaidan absence was already killing him a little more, and he would have become a bitter man.

He pulls out his cigarette case, to enjoy a cigarette with his coffee, but the disapproval on his boyfriend’s face made him change his mind. He scratched his head as he was thinking that he was going to have to buy patches to quit. Kaidan handed him his coffee, and after drinking it, the two headed to the elevator.

"John, I want you to buy the patches today. You know I don’t like you to smoke. If it bothers you tell me, and I will not insist."

"It doesn't bother me Kaidan.” His Major grabbed his chin and stared at him.

"I want you to quit smoking; you would do that for me?"

His Kaidan wasn't playing fair because he knew that for him, he was capable of anything; even give him a star if he could do it. He nodded, and Kaidan try to give him a quick kiss, but he didn't allow, and kissed him even more intensely. "You know what my job is today?" John asks him as he bit his lips slowly.

"What?"

"My job today is kissing you whenever I get a chance."

"It is fine with me."

"Really you are not going to complain?"

"Nope."

"Okay, who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

Kaidan laughed. "I've spent too much time sunk in sorrow for not having you that now I don’t want to waste any time without you."

"Oh, I love that Major.”

It was the best day that he had had in long time. Kaidan and he went down to the Citadel, and John spent his day running errands with him. Few hours later they entered Kaidan’s apartment with a bag in their hands. With Kaidan's help, John had chosen a beautiful bracelet for Edi.

For a moment, he walks around the apartment which it was the same way as the last time he had seen it. John walks into the bedroom and saw his picture on the nightstand. He grabbed it and smiled, remembering that Kaidan took that picture when he was eating pizza. He shook his head laughing, and then put the photo down and returns to the kitchen.

John laid his back against the wall and crossed his arms, he was looking at Kaidan who was taking things out of the bag. Kaidan looked more handsome. His body was well toned, and the Major had graying of his hair, but everything else was the same as before. Last night was fantastic, and this morning too, it wasn't so much the sex if not the way Kaidan made him feel. In bed, Kaidan freed him from his problems, and it wasn't only in bed, the mere fact of having him around like today made him feel human.

John feels that last night they gave each other with even more intensity than before, perhaps for the lost time, or just because they both felt that they deserved it. The only thing that John knew was that this time he wasn't ready to die again. This time he would fight for his life, he owed to Kaidan and his mother who also suffered immensely with his death.

"Major, how do you get the body you have right now? I'm not complaining. I like how you look now I'm just curious is all."

"Ah, working nonstop."

"Tell me about those two years."

"John," Kaidan sighs. "It’s not much to say about it. After your death I work to bury my pain at work until Anderson forced me take a break, and I went home to my parents. After I return to my duties I enlist on each suicide mission that I could, but I guess fate did not want me to meet you."

After hearing that John quickly approached him and grabbed his hand. "Listen to me. I didn't know I was going to die that day, but you were alive, and I died at peace with that." Kaidan moves away from him and John saw him turning around for a moment, and lower his head. John walked toward him and stood in front of him then lifted his head by grasping his chin. "What's wrong?"

When he told Kaidan to tell him about those two years he did without the intention of bringing bitter memories to him, but it seems that he was wrong. Apparently it was still hard for Kaidan to remember those two years, and John felt physical pain knowing that he was the cause of such much pain in the life of his lover.

"You thought I was strong, but it wasn't like that. I fall apart with yours. I was ready to follow you to hell. I was a fighter, but I wasn't prepared to fight with your ghost,” Kaidan said shakily.

John saw Kaidan's eyes glisten with tears. "Kaidan I didn’t mean to bring you these painful memories."

“The memories are always there.”

“Kaidan I-“

"Your presence was in every corner of this apartment, and in my memories all the time. John your face was everywhere. Maybe I'm going to sound like a crybaby, but damn John I love you immensely, and my heart was broken. I was a shadow of what I was when you were alive," Kaidan said through tears. "God Dammit I can even talk about without falling apart." 

"Love, stop it."

"I wanted to be with you. Every day I set a foot in front of the other moving like a living dead, or like one of those Husk. I didn’t know you could suffer so much for the dead of a loved one. Why did you leave me?"

 John felt as if a bullet had pierced his chest with that question."Oh God dammit comes here I need to hug you," John said, then he hugs him tightly. “Dammit Kaidan you don't know all the tears that Commander Shepard has poured for you. You weren't a crybaby; you were a man crying for your loved one. I don't know what would have done if, I had lost you. I probably would have gone insane. But I'm here now let forget those two years. I don't want to see you suffering anymore."

"Okay, I'm sorry let me make dinner, and let spend a pleasant evening with Joker and Edi."

"See that's the spirit, I will help you." John saw him move, but he stopped him grabbing his hand, drawing Kaidan towards him.

“Yes John."

"I love you."

"I know, and I do too."

John moved his lips near his Major. "No, you actually don't know how big my love for you is. I was ready to die after this war if I didn't have your with me because, without you, my life has no meaning."

"Commander."

"When we were together for the first time, I knew right there I wouldn't want anyone else in my life, in my bed, but you. Kaidan Alenko yesterday you told me that your heart, body and soul were mine. Now I'm telling you that, without you, I'm just a lost soul," John said, before kissing him with love.

"Love you John."

"No more than I love you."

"No I love you even more."

"We’ll see about that," John said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to leave the dinner with Joker, and Edi, for the next chapter.


End file.
